Yesterday was a lousy day. We were about to close up at 11.40am when the PMC came along and told us to open both messes till 5pm. Damn it! I was expecting to go back at 12 and then head out to buy my stuff. Alas, my plans were all ruined, simply just by his words alone. The reason for extending the mess hours? Because some company is booking out at 5pm.

When 5pm approached, we went to wait for the shuttle bus. To our disbelief, horror and frustration, there isn't any bus. We were lucky to hitch a ride from one of the construction workers. I was thoroughly exhausted and furious. I reached home at around 7.45pm, had dinner, played some games and hit the bed by 11pm.

Those warrant officers don't put themselves in our shoes. This sucks. So what if you are high ranking? It simply means you got what it takes to lead, not have what it takes to abuse power. If he made an effort to spot check our presence in the aternoon, I'd have felt better. At least, my presence is somewhat justified. However, the mess is deathly slient throughout the whole afternoon. So deafening was the silence that I suspected if my auditory systems were functioning properly.

It really was Suffer In Silence Plus Endless Confinement yesterday. It sucks. People there only like to use rank, unlike the culture in OCS. Well, the bottom can't never be straight is the top is crooked.

It has been an exhausting week. Working at the mess isn't real easy. Oh, yeah. I'm now attached to the Specialists' Mess at SISPEC. The working hours are real odd, from 8am to 12 midnight. Sure, we get to sleep in the morning but it still sucks. I'd prefer 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, instead of 4 hours of sleep, wake up and followed by another 4 hours of sleep.

It could have been uninterrupted sleep, if not for the SARS. We have to fall in every morning at 7.45am to record our temperatures. Man, I really wish that they call this temparature regime off. I mean, nobody takes it seriously anymore; we are there just for show. I guess the best actors from Singapore do not come from Mediacorp; they hail from SAF. The annual Stars Awards should feature some commisioned Officers/Warrant Officers/Specialists/Enlistees for their impressive acting skills.

More on my job scope. The mess cook, Uncle James, as we all affectionately address him as, whips up some local delights and western food for the Messes' visitors. My job is to help him prepare the setting for various dishes, wash the dishes and of course to collect the payment for the food. My first day started last Monday. It was real bad but I have somewhat gotten used to it.

Friday itself was more of a trouble. I was alone and had to deal with quite a lot of orders. Uncle James praised me for not being panicky like the previous guy. I wasn't really panicky at all. Being panicky doesn't help; being calm does.

Kind of in a rush now. I actually wanted to take a bus to SFT but got too many things to do, so I decided to take a cab to Pasir Ris. Then again, it depends on how much time I spend here. Maybe take cab all the way to SFT. Rats! I've yet pay my phone bills! Ah, well, I think I'll pay it next week.

I managed to borrow some books despite being pressed for time. Hope they will last me through the week. I also got GBA from Zhiliang. Well, I have plenty of time to figure out how to play. It kind of sucks but I can't really expect much from that console.

My ankle still feels a little painful on certain movement angle. It has been 2 weeks and there's no sign of complete recovery. Hmmm... Maybe I should make a trip to the MO or to the Chinese physician.

These couple of days has been well spent. I booked out on Friday night and met up with dear for dinner, met up on Saturday to catch a movie and go for a friend's baby's party and even today, we met up for awhile. She asked why I would go meet her today. I think as long as I make an effort, even meet up for a short while is also worthwhile. I mean, it sure beats me lying on bed all day.

I wished I could blog more often, like in the past. At least, I could jot down whatever thoughts I had in mind and leave a legacy behind. I want to remember my thoughts, not lose them to time or senility.

Been a whole week since I last posted here. The past week has been a crappy one.

For a start, I was posted to SISPEC. Heading for the ASLC course. Oh, come on! What's ASLC? Platoon drills? Company drills? Or MG, 84mm RR technical handling? Except watermanship and the overseas training, I've been through most of the course. To think that CPC actually sent me there. I wonder what they are thinking.

Anyway, prior to the course, I was supposed to go for FFI. I was really distressed over the fact that I'm returning to trainee life when this came along. A perfect chance for me to avoid the inevitable predicament. Naturally, I failed it, rendering myself unfit for ASLC for 3 months. Thinking back, I should have done so while I was still in SAFTI MI. At least I could have stayed on and enjoyed life there. Fail a couple more times and I'd have run out of NS liability.

SISPEC is one hell of a place, popping out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of dense vegetation. What's more, the HQ isn't centrally located too; it's nearer to the entrance of the school. Trainees there don't have a good life too, as they have to do guard duty everyday. OOC don';t have a good life too. According to the previous CO's directive, OOCs are not allowed the usage of ccanteen, must be the last to have meals at the cook house and no stay out.

That guy must be a real nutter. Aren't OOCs human too? Why are they treated like that? Unlike in OCS, as long as you are not a cadet, you are free to go wherever you want and do whatever you want. That is, if there's no official work to be done. I think they need to change the system there. Anyway, since the previous CO has left, nobody follows his directives so closely anymore.

That's it for now. I'll post more tonight.

I finally fixed dear's PC but some minor problems lingers. I will tell her the fix methods tonight, I guess.

Expenditure:

7th Jun 2003 : $4 for LAN gaming @ $2 per hour, $1 for Vit mineral water (500ml), $3 for fried rice, $6 for hokkien mee @ $3 each

8th Jun 2003 : $6 for stir-fried vegetables, $6 for fried sweet & sour meat, $0.60 for plain rice @ $0.30 each, $1.10 for canned drink, $6 for sewing of rank @ $3 each

9th Jun 2003 : $1.80 for bee hoon at canteen, $2 for wanton mee at canteen near Intec, $1 for canned drink

Updating my expenditure reminds me of the past events. We went to the beach on Saturday. We were planning to cycle but I was too tired to do so, as I had a late night due to fixing the hard disk. In the end, we sat on a grass patch, listening to radio. The breeze was fine and the sun wasn't that strong. Quite windy I must say.

After that, she went to some birthday party, one that turned out to be boring for her. As for me, I met up with Zhiliang to to play LAN game. We had a few problems here and there and it took us a good 30min to settle down. Man, a waste of time. We played till 9pm. I was somewhat bushed. I guess it was just as tiring for dear. Being in a boring party and having to put on a smiley face.

My archives are working, albeit, not all links. So like, give it a try. The first link dosen't work and that's for sure.

Possibly my last day here at SAFTI Library updating my Blog. Going off to SISPEC tomorrow. Suffer in silence plus endless confinements. C'mon! It's 3 months. How much can they torture me? If the worst scenario turns up, I'll still have a couple of trump cards to play.

I reported dutifully to MP branch at 8am, thus missing the Enlistees' Parade. Can't be bothered. Parades bore me. A waste of time but an opportune time for instructors to award trainees with various kinds of punishments. Human is imperfection in itself. Bearing that in mind, can parades ever be perfect? Can an imperfect creature create a perfect thing? As I used to say, "Immortality can only be achieved with the perfection of the perpetual machine." and I still do believe in that.

My CDRW simply refuses to work with Win95. Guess it's high time for me to change to a new system. But I have no means of doing so. So like, live with it! Tough luck.

Someone called me while I was having lunch. It was a private number. I think the party sounded somewhat like a female. I only managed to catch the "Hello". Luckily, the other party hung up. After hearing Nicholas' stories of how aggressive telemarketeers pestered him over his handphone, I was apprehenisve of unknown calls.

Finally back online in the comforts of my own home. Cranky modem and system got me for a couple of days.

I've some stuff I want to post but I shall leave it to tomorrow, once I had sort out my thoughts.

Since my previous expenditure list was gone, I shall put the new records here:

$4 for western food, $2.20 for canned drinks @ $1.10 each, $0.80 for otar @ $0.40 each, $4.20 for Dove facial foam, $1.65 for mud mask ( 6 packs total )

Until I come up with a new Excel spreadsheet, I'll put my expenditure here for the time being.

Back at Bravo Wing as clerk 2IC again. No big deal, just staying around for another week or so before moving on.

Had a minor row last night. I wanted her to rest early as she is not feeling well. She went out for "a while", lasting some 1½ hours. Had carrot cake too. Is fried food going to help a sore throat? More harm than good, I suppose. I hope that she can recover soon. Anyway, her hoarse voice sounds kind of kinky too. Ha~

Seems that she is going to attend a friend's birthday party on this Saturday. I was outraged initially. I had thought of going for a play followed by some time spent together alone with her. It came so suddenly, just like many other things. I figured out later that birthdays are once a year thing, she and I have a lot more Saturdays to spend in future.

It has been a long time since we spent a good Saturday together. It was always thwarted by one thing or another. Still, I respect her need to be with friends. I was overwhelmed just now. I think she was offended too. I'll give her a call later and sort things out. What am I going to do after the play? I have no idea. Maybe I will take a walk around alone or go home and call it a day.

I concede, you know? I could really complain and blame God for spoiling so many of my Saturdays, just like Bruce. However, I think it's just lame to blame Him. It's better for me to accept the thought that all my Saturdays sucked. At least, when one good comes along, it makes the rest seems better. There is a lot more people out there who need miracles more than me, who need God's attention more than me.

It seems funny. I'm not as much affected as I was last time when I sought disclosure from my source. The source has become a platform for me to view things from a bird's eye view and more importantly, objectively. It no longer elicits emotions of anger, depression and happiness as much as it used to be.

I think I've been asking too much information from dear. Way too much for both of us to handle.

The urge to find out sometimes is really great. Don't I have the right to know? Why must I be left in the dark? Does it not concern me? Indeed, truth hurts. Since when does it not?

We'd all be still thinking the Earth was flat if not for Columbus. Sure, his discovery did deal a lot of flak to those who advocated the "flat Earth" theory. At the same time, it also saw the rise of shipping lines and world trade, resulting in today's modern world. Seriously, who would dare to travel across the Pacific Ocean if they knew that they are going to fall off the edge?

Still, I shall exercise refrain. I shall tone down my intensity and frequency of asking. "Ask and you shall find out." If she really wanted to tell me, she would have. If she didn't want to, she could have just come up with a lame story or a lie just to appease my curiousity.

I've learnt to change and I had, in certain aspects. For once, I accompanied her all the way back to her doorstep last night. She didn' tseem to think much of it though, judging from the words dhe said. "Oh, now you're learning? Don't you think it's a bit too late?" "The sun is rising from the west." Sarcastic remarks I hear but I didn't take them to heart. Those don't reflect her true feelings; those are just angry words.

I think I wil give her a call during lunch. Seems like she got a lot of work to do. Those imbeciles are forever piling her with heaps of endless work. Can't they get things done themselves?

Once again, back to Manpower Branch. Lazing around, waiting for time to pass. It sure beats the front desk duty, though.

Had a major argument yesterday evening. She was out all night and got home at 9.30am in the morning. The last time I got a message was at around 10.40pm, on Saturday night, before I brought a heavy heart to sleep. From then till Sunday morning, there was no news. I was wondering if she had gotten into some accident.

Seems that they went out for a late show and he gotten drunk. What the hell? Drunk driving? I was worried all night. I was thinking what went wrong. Why isn't she home so late? Did some kind of mishap happen? Well, nearly anyway. Can't really drive when you can't walk straight, can you? You still have yet answered my question, dear. "What do you take my concern for?"

She came over to my place in the evening. Didn't even bother to state a time for arrival. Or maybe it's my fault for not asking. Nowadays, she is living by this new motto, "Ask and you shall find out". Fair enough, I didn't ask her when she is coming, my folly there. I spent the entire afternoon waiting. She came, eventually. I began to ask her stuff, to find out whatever I wanted to. She felt that I was interrogating her and she was upset.

Ho, boy! Now, I'm an interrogator, huh? Is there a need for me to do so, had I knew those things? Would my absolute trust been eroded had I not been kept in the dark? Cause and effect. She doesn't want to tell me the truth, reason being she does not want me to be hurt or upset. I think it's a lot better to tell the truth, be hurt but know you are honest, rather than, you hide it from me, I find out sometime later that you are actually hiding things from me, be hurt and know with absolute certainty that you are not being honest with me.

The above is for Sunday's blog.