For once, I'm afraid in my pursuit of knowledge. I know how and where to obtain it but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm afraid of what the knowledge might bring me. Hurt, perhaps? Or increased anxiety? I need time to accept it.

I cannot avoid and dodge all the time; it'll catch up with me eventually, be it sooner or later. I thirst for such knowledge and it can only be quenched by pushing my fears aside. This is the disclosure I'm looking for. I cannot stop. Let's see what this knowledge does to me...