Unsaid words

Hmm... Avid readers of my blog (you know who you are), I shall have a change of tone for this post; I shall touch on more mundane things today.

Once again, I overslept this morning. This must have been the third(?) Thursday that I have done so. I attribute it to my poor sleep last night. The unusually warm weather must have caused me discomfort in sleeping. It was just a few weeks ago, when it was raining almost every other day and every night I nestled in the warm cocoon of my blanket. Now, I can't wait to sleep in the buff.

Zhiliang defected to Starhub's free incoming calls plans and cheaper Nokia phones. I played with his brand new Nokia 6670 (http://www.phonescoop.com/phones/phone.php?p=619) for awhile but somehow, I'm not impressed. Yes, the picture quality is great but the size puts me off. It looks more like a miniature PDA than a handphone. Hey, I'm not saying that it isn't good; it's just that it doesn't suit my taste.

I've yet tried out the new route to come for the return trip from school that was recommended by a school mate. Say, the new route sounds a lot faster and I know that for a fact but the increased in transport fees somewhat offsets the shorter travelling time. So what they said that time is money is true after all. Let me work out the exact fares that I'll need to pay and then decide on which way to take.

I've decided to put my betting program on hold indefinitely. I've yet come up with any new algorithim to compute the bets that maximises return.

Oh, I received my latest bill. Together with late payments, I owed M1 a sum of about $52. Looks like it's time for me to cut down on using my handphone to make calls.

Back in OCS (Officer Cadet School), we were made to write our daily journals. I tried to look for my old journal book in vain. I wonder where I had left it. It contains a great deal about my past grievances and I want to take a look again. Back then, I didn't have a lot of free time to talk so "whatever I don't say, I write it in words." It is exactly the same thing I'm doing now. Now, you see why this post is so "normal", randomly jumping from one point to another, without any connections or flow of thoughts in between.

It's been a long time since I had a good talk. And I don't want it to be offered to me on a silver platter.

Operating expenses

This is meant to be a buffer post from the previous post, so I won't have sad news gracing the top of my blog for a long time.

While sitting in The Terrace, the canteen located at NUS Business School , I noticed that the lights were on. It was 3pm in the afternoon, so any justifications as to why the lights are on? I asked my friend about this phenomenon and he replied that it has always been like that. I must have missed it out. It makes me wonder, does this blatant waste of electricity contribute to varsity fee hike of 5%?

The reason given by NUS for the fee hike was "increase in operating expenses". In general, operating expenses would mean the expenses relating directly to an organisation's core activities. For a retail outlet, OE would include marketing, renting of retail space, hiring of workers, etc. For a school, OE would include hiring of teaching staff, marketing, maintenance of teaching facilities - libraries, lecture halls, labs (bizarre isn't it? All begins with L) etc. Does utilities fall under OE?

I feel that NUS has not been transparent. All we have is its word that OE has increased. Where are the numbers? You do keep reports, don't you? I tried looking for some form of financial statements for NUS but the search was futile. Perhaps I didn't try hard enough but I suspect that such statements were never released at all.

Up to this point, you may have noticed that I'm a disgruntled student. Indeed, I am.

It is within reasonable grounds to raise fees due to increased expenses but it is beyond reasonable grounds to do so, without any numerical proof. The Ministry of Manpower doesn't simply say, "Hey, guess what? Unemployment is at an all time low! Let's celebrate!"; it shows the exact employment and unemployment figures. Personally, I do not believe in those figures but my point is this: if MOM wants to hoodwink the populace and at least bothered to make up some phony figures, why shouldn't NUS do the same? Not that I will feel less upset, should NUS really throw up some figures.

In an email to all NUS students addressing the reasons for the fee hike, there was mention of a particular percentage increase in OE. That is not good enough; I want to see all the past financial statements. I cannot remember the exact number that they quoted but I think it's in the ballpark of 20%.

You may wonder: Why bring this up after so long? Well, it takes time for the feeling of dissent to build up. Unlike others, the longer I brood over an unhappy issue, the more upset I get. Some may suggest that I bring this up to NUS, demand them to show me their financial figures and appease myself once and for all. Well, I could do that but there is no basis for them to entertain me, just another disgruntled student.

One black morning

What would you do if you woke up one morning to find your pet lying still, dead? I have no idea too.

This morning, I woke up to such a sight. Without wearing my glasses, I proceeded to my pet's cage, intending to concoct yet another vitamin-enriched drink for him. I saw him lying in an odd spot, one that I have never seen him laid before. I found it strange and upon closer inspection, I could see that his head was tilted at an unnatural angle too. I called out to him but there was no response. The ears did not twitch in respond to my call. I lifted the top of the cage open and gingerly touched him; he was stiff, a far cry from his usual furry self. Rigor mortis had already set in. It was then when I realised that my pet rabbit is dead.

As I lowered the hatch, my heart sanked. I quickly went back to my room and put on my glasses to have a better look. There wasn't any difference; he was as still as a stone. For a moment, I was lost. I have no idea what to do. What was left of my rationality told me that I had a 10am lecture to attend and I had better make a move. But I had to tell someone about this. And I did.

There was no ceremonious funeral or a grand anthem being played. I wrapped him up in newspapers and placed the bundle into a plastic bag. As I released the handle of the rubbish chute cover and knew that the bag was destined to be swallowed by the dark, forbidding chute, a part of me perished along with it.

I went back to my room to pick out the notes that I was supposed to bring. As I sat in my chair arranging the notes, my vision blurred. Migraine attack? No, far from it. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I leaned back, crying hard over my loss. I was overwhelmed and choked with emotions. I wanted to scream out loud but all I could voice box could produce was a stifled screech of anguish. Tears flowed freely from my eyes and nose for 15 minutes before subsiding.

While I was in the bus on the way to school, I remembered the words of one my good friends. Choon Lee once told me that Jay Chou's songs are good for those who are heartbroken. I'm pretty sure that he meant those who are hurt in romantic relationships but it didn't matter to me; I am heartbroken.

Of so many Jay Chou's song, I knew only one, Gui Ji. Literally, it means "Track Trail", as in the trails of railway tracks. I found the chorus part to describe my feelings the best. Below is the excerpt: (You will need to set the character encoding of your browser to Chinese Simplified to read it.)

????? ?????
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????? ????? ???????

????? ?????
????????????
????? ??????

????? ????? ??????

A song to express grief over a pet? I bet Jay Chou never saw it coming when he composed this song. Nonetheless, I did feel better, so Choon Lee, if you are reading this, thanks for the advice.

As stated in the movie, "Irreversible", "Time will destroy all". Indeed, in time to come, I'll learn to cope with the grief. But for now, I'm still learning. So long, my friend, my dear pet, Xiao Hei. If there is reincarnation, may you have a better next life.