Trip back alone...

Since I was posted to GSMB like a parcel, I accompanied or was accompanied by colleagues during book out. For the first time today, I made my way out alone. Without needing to control my pace to accomodate anyone, I opened up my strides and walked out in double-quick time. I managed to catch the 5.40pm bus and guess what? I reached the train station by 6.23pm. About the same time as the time I took Bobby's dad ride.

The primary reason I cannot meet this timing is that I wait for Bobby. He has some spinal and knee problems and cannot walk fast as a result. I would slow my pace down and wait for him. I know he is making an effort to keep but it just isn't fast enough. Maybe I should stop waiting for him; he slows me down. Then again, even if I reach home early, I have nothing much to do either too. I'm just like my Sims. It's sure good to have a lot of time. I could make them read, play, swim or do whatever before shooing them to work.

It boils down to the fact that I feel that it's not worth my effort waiting for him. We have nothing to talk about and I spend the travelling time sleeping. I'm waiting for him just out of diplomacy and nothing else. Argh... Let me sleep on it for a while.

I haven't been seeing the black cat around the dump for 2 days in a row. In it's place, a brownish-orange cat. It has been hanging out in the vicinity since the I last saw the black cat. I suppose Orange has usurped Black's throne. I saw Orange marking its territory that spanned some 30m today. I followed it silently and observed its movements. In usual feline behaviour, it squatted to mark a spot with its urine. I wonder if they wait for a full bladder before going for patrol rounds. I mean, they can't have urine to mark territory everytime, can they?

Anyway, Black's offspring, Black Jr is still hanging out near its hideout. It has grown to be quite a strong adolescent but in Orange's presence, it decided that discretion is the better part of valour. Furthermore, I seldom see Black Jr straying far from its hideout. Doesn't it know it will outgrow the hideout eventually? It has to explore and venture to new grounds. Compared this to Mrs Dump's offsprings, Black Jr pales in comparison. Black Jr was well-cared for by its mother, just like Mrs Dump's kittens. However, Mrs Dump's care and attention was divided among her 4 children, whereas Black Jr had undivided attention as the only child. I guess over-protection lead to Black Jr's inability to gain confidence.

I haven't been seeing the rest of the cats too. Perhaps they left with Black. Maybe Orange chased them away so as to establish an entirely new dynasty. I can only imagine how fierce the fight between the two dominant cats were. Maybe there wasn't a fight. Orange was larger and seemed more aggressive than Black. Its presence is enough to make any cats in the neighbourhood thing twice.

Neither have I seen or heard of the kitten I played with the other day. I think the other cats killed. Maybe Black Jr or his mother. It's sad. I should have just left it alone. See? Humans shouldn't interfere with nature. I sympathise with the kitten and thought I could help by putting it with other cats. I guess I did more harm than good. If I had left it alone, its cries might have reached the ears of its mother, which could have escorted it to safety. This reminds me of a time when I was playing with a kitten at a bus stop. I carried it down from a ledge as I thought it was trying to come down. When I left it to roam, someone tripped ion it accidentally. Fortunately, the kitten suffered nothing more than a startle; at least that was what I can tell on the surface. Luckily, a couple took interest in it and carried it back home.

Dinner was sardines and rice. Yes, just that. Until my 4th aunt came along and bought 4 chicken wings and fries, that is. I was peeved that my dinner was just that. On hindsight, I was childish. My mom was just trying to cut costs. It's not as if she had anything better than me. It sucks to be poor, doesn't it? My 4th aunt saw my dinner and was worried that I might not have enough to eat. The rice and sardines sufficed. For my mom? I don't really know. But it saddens me to see her eating so little.

And she still has to fill the washing machine with 3 pails of water manually. I watched her as she bent over and loaded the water. A sudden thought struck me. How many more times can she bend down like that before her back says, "That's it!"? How many more pails of water would she need to lift with her arms, which are deterioating at an unnoticeble rate with each passing moment, before her arms can no longer bear the weight and give way? I gave her a hand at the last pail. I'll continue to do so everyday but not at the last pail; at every pail, that is.

I'll be turning 21 in a few days time. I guess most people will feel excited and would want to celebrate this transition to adulthood. I feel neutral about it, almost unfeeling.

What if the legal age was 18? Or 23? Or any other age except 21? Would people still celebrate it with such fervour? Turning 21 doesn't mean make one an adult instantly. It takes grueling life experiences and acquired wisdom to grow. What does it mean to become an adult? Does it mean I have to discontinue some of my activities and/or change my behaviour? I don't know; I myself have too many unanswered questions.

I'll just go with the flow of things. No need to have some big bash or party to mark the day.

I'm so tired. Feel so sleepy. I think I can fall asleep instantly. I guess this week has been busier than usual. All that manning stuff to do and the reports to submit.

I went to help out at her best friend's birthday party in the afternoon. I was about to head for Sim Lim Square to shop for my speakers and mouse when I heard her call. I thought that my help was not required, as she said earlier on. Nevertheless, I went over. I think I'll go shopping tomorrow.

It was no easy feat sticking little Mentos onto the wall with Blue Tac. It was really tedious and time-consuming but the end result is amazing. "HAPPY 21st B'DAY". When I sat down and took a good look, I didn't believe I managed to do it out. Perhaps nobody will bother or care about who puts them up but I'll remember such an experience.

Another amazing feat for the day was improvising clear tape as string. We didn't have fishing line to tie the balloons. A sudden streak of genius came across me and I pasted the clear tape together to form a plastic strip. It was this idea that enabled us to hang up many of the balloons. Even I myself was kind of astonished that I could think of this idea.

To my greater amazement is that I did not have any lunch but I did not feel really hungry. Perhaps the leftover night snack helped. It might be just a mixed fruit cookie but it contains at least some 300 - 400 kcal. You don't eat SAF night snack just for fun; you eat it for extra energy. Maybe the decor work was keeping my mind busy too.

My role today was largely support, just follow instructions and complete the work. After the decoration was done, I began to feel bored and restless. I felt neglected too. This always happen but I overlooked this aspect today. She was really engrossed in all the decoration work and entertainment of guests, so much that I was very much alone. Bored, essentially.

It wasn't until 2 hours after I arrived that she remembered that I had not had lunch. To think that we had some prior agreements to eat together. Trash that, for I too, was too busy to remind her. She thought Eric called so I went outside to chat. Fact is I got bored and called Eric instead. She was having so much fun catching up with the old friends that I was way out of her mind. It's fine because friends come first. "You don't need me, you can get by alone," is what she would have said anyway.

As much as I tried to listen in their conversation and observe, I had difficulty in participating. What they talked and discussed were beyond my knowledge and understanding. It was something that they had in common, a shared experience that brings them together. I was just another outsider, alien and unknown.

Oh well. At least I fufiled my objective, that is, to help them decorate the place. I left around 7.30pm, well before the cake-cutting. I was thinking of staying on till the cake-cutting was over but with each passing minute, the build-up boredom was killing me. I wanted to tell her but she was inside taking pictures and having fun. So I decided to leave her a message and left quietly. On hindsight, I realized that this gesture of mine was rude, especially to the hostess. But heck! I wasn't even invited in the first place; I was there to help out. Anyway, I've to take note to inform the host/hostess in future.

I could have waited till she was done inside but how long would it take? 15 min? 45 min? 1½ hour? Or perhaps 2? She was miffed that I did not tell her personally. How could I do so? Do you really expect me to barge in and announce my departure amidst all those fun and laughter? I may be aloof at times but I'm certainly not undiplomatic.

A part of lyrics from Creed's One Last Breathe to describe how I felt prior to leaving the party:

*Hold me now*
*I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking*
*That maybe six feet, ain’t so far down*

I had a revelation when I was decorating the place. A sudden thought came across me and it echoed in my head, "We're all adults now, no longer children or adolescents." It's true. Does children know how to decorate a place, take charge, give instructions and execute actions? Unknowingly, I've grown up too. We can no longer sit around and wait for things to happen. We have to play an active role. As children, there wasn't much we can do so we just sit around and wait for things to happen.

I guess many people do not realise that as time goes by, their potential and capabiltiy increases too. To the extent that they can perform many taks and duties that they once thought impossible. It is ignorance that leads them to believe that they cannot do it, which in actual fact, they can! Once they have seen the light, there is no stopping them.As adults, w cannot adopt a "catch-as-catch-can" attiude. We have to take part actively and make things happen, or at least attempt to do so.

After I left the party, I went over to Eric's place. I got a floppy drive from him for ten bucks and some assorted CD-writing programs. We spent some time in conversation and my boredom was all vapourised. I think I was looking for someone to talk to. I was lucky that he was free. If not, I would have gone home and hid under my blanket. I guess I'm somewhat like my Sim. I used to think that getting him a wife is all I needed to keep his Social bar full. After all, when you can have a wife to talk to all the while, you don't need to waste time calling up friends and to socialize. However, as the game progresses, I realised that I was dreadfully myopic. The husband came home everyday to find the wife tired. Although they had time to interact, it was minimal. Eventually, the husband Social bar went empty and I had no choice but to call up friends. Moral of the story? It's good to have someone by your side and to listen to you but if that someone is to be unavailable, it's also good to have friends to fall back on.

This post was supposed to be last night's post. However, I was too tired to continue and fell asleep on my bed by accident. I only got up at 4.10am when my mom came into my room to shoo me into proper sleeping position. Thus, I continued now...

Got back earlier than usual today, at around 6.45pm. Why? 'Cause I got a lift from Bobby's dad. He made a detour to pick up his younger brother who is in RI. Man, for the first time in 2 decades, I've actually been inside the school. It seems like a nice place. Most importantly, the parking lots were more than enough.

Why the lots and not anything else? Well, I remembered that I read from somewhere that one can determined a person's diet by examining his trash. On the same note, how classy a school is depends on the carpark. A large carpark can mean 2 things. One, the staff are well-off enough to afford cars. Two, the parents of the students are well-off enough to drive their children to school and a bigger carpark is needed to accommodate the peak hour traffic, when parents like to park their cars in the school while waiting for their children.

RI is not just a brand name, not just a school. It is a nest for nurturing young minds, to groom innocent young boys to become manly gentlemen. More importantly, it gurantees you instant association with the middle-upper to upper class. Sure, the pressure to excel there is great and competition is fierce. On the other hand, no one emerge a victor if there is no competition or pressure. Great leaders are trained to deal with stress and to remain unfazed in the face if mounting pressure. I think RI is a good place to test and build up the endurance of the young ones.

The only downside I see is that it's a single-sex school. Boring! It will be a good four years before the boys get proper exposure to girls. When I mean proper exposure, it means being able to communicate with girls, being able to work with them on projects and to understand the crucial differences between males and females. Sure, during their studies, they can get involve in BGR but does that allow them chance to have proper exposure? In this society, everyone is expected to work well with everyone else. I think it's better for boys and girls to be able to work well with each other and learn the neccessary skills of communication. This would greatly aid them in their working lives.

During the trip back, I noticed how fast and efficient private transport was. Very. I wished I got my own car and I could zip around without spending more time. Look at this. Bobby's dad can make a detour to Bishan and still reach Hougang at 6.25pm. If not for that, I would have reached home at 6.25pm. I understood something which I've been missing out. Despite the rising costs, why are people still buying cars? Is it prestige? Convienence? It's freedom they are truly after.

The freedom to go wherever you want, at whatever time you specify and at whichever speed you dictate. Man has tried to imitate birds and fly. They see birds as carefree and have the freedom of not being tied to the ground. People desire private transport for the same reasons. Why share the bus with a bunch of strangers, some who reek horribly, some who make loud snoring noises, some attempting to make a pass at you, when you can drive in total comfort and solitude? Not to forget the TVmobile with boring segments at times. Why put up with that? You can tune in to your favourite radio station or blast your own CDs over the system.

I really must get a car. With one, I can do more things with the same amount of time. We are talking about maximising time utilization here. The same reason applies when I train my Sims to cook. The better the Cooking skill, the better the quality of the meal he cooks. Rather than cooking a mediocre meal and have to waste more time cooking another meal, he can just whip up one dish and fill his stomach.

Oops! I got the S in GSMB wrong. It stands for Support, not Supplies. Alright, let me get it correct for the last time. GSMB - General Support Maintainenace Battalion.

I somehow dread going to work this morning. Much like how I used to dread going to secondary school and polytechnic during the first few days. I had no friends then and was alone. I didn't know what to do and was totally clueless. I'm very much like that now.

I was told to wash some cups and plates in the conference room. You know, senior officers have the tendency to forget how to clean up after themselves and require people to wash their stuff for them. Or maybe they did remember but somehow lost the ability to clean up their acts. I'd very much like to compare this to taking care of a baby, always chasing after it to bathe it, change diapers, etc. In short, cleaning up for them. Washing up those were of little trouble. After all, I had worked in SISPEC Specialists' Mess before and had enough encounters with dishwashing. I guess I was fortunate to have that experience. If not, an ignorant me would be saying,"Wu yi-ah bo? (How can this be?) I'm an Ops Spec and you expect me to do dishes?"

Only after experiencing hardships will people appreciate life more. GSMB is a service support battalion and I guess many of those working there are not combat-trained. Just a wild guess, though, I'm too lazy to verify my hypothesis. Anyway, to those posted to GSMB after BMT, I think they should have nothing to complain about. After all, they need not go through the tough training at OCS/SISPEC. In fact, they have no right to complain that life is tough at a service battalion. I have no complains too, for I've went through places worse than this.

Sure, the base itself is in a poor state as compared to my previous camps but life is easy. You can walk around freely without head dress on. Try doing that in OCS. There's public transport nearby, unlike SISPEC where one has to take the lousy fast craft. I'm glad that I was not posted to such a camp after my BMT. Without seeing how life was at OCS and SISPEC, I would not have known a true, blue army life. Being in the army means taking up arms, planning and executing missions to repel our enemies.

On to a lighter note now. I received my latest handphone bill. It was a surprising sum of $31.45, excluding GST. I had expected it to be somewhere in the ballpark of $50. My cost-cutting measures really worked! 10 SMSes a day, no calls during peak hours, except unavoidable. I'm proud of myself for being able to live up to my goals. Good work! It took a lot of self-control to record the number to SMSes and to prevent myself from going overboard. From $115 last month to $31, it's indeed a significant feat.

Speaking of money, I paid 2 bucks for a potential haircut. GSMB has this practice like BMTC, where you pay upfront monthly for a haircut. If you choose not to go, then your money is forfeited. No refunds. Rats.

Anyway, some back date expenditure:

09 Aug 2003 Sat - $93 for Sony receiver, $9.30 for pork chop.
10 Aug 2003 Sun - $4 for mixed beef soup, $12 for bike rental @ $6 per hour per bike
13 Aug 2003, Wed - $2 for haircut

My new posting was finalized yesterday. I had to travel all the way from SISPEC to Ayer Rajar Camp, or ARC. This sucks. I took the bus to Tampines and changed to the train to get to Commonwealth. It seems that the buses I need to take is only available at Buona Vista, thus I had to make 1 trip down.

Carrying all the stuff isn't exactly fun or easy. I was sweating ever since I got out from SISPEC, till I got to the S1 branch of GSMB. By the way, the B stands for Battalion and not Base, which I was previously told. It was boring sitting around and doing nothing. On top of that, I did not have lunch. I could have detoured for a quick meal but I decided that I should try to get things over and done with.

I did a Unit Induction Programme, a web-based lecture about the proceedings of the battalion. It was pretty much redundant and I had to do a questionnaire based on what I had learnt. I think it must have been one of their WITS project that is being implemented. Perhaps unit are indeed different from schools. Come to think of it, this is my first time being posted to a proper unit and not a school.

GSMB is a service support unit, meaning we repair all training equipment, be it vehicles or signal sets, during peacetime and operations. It is fully operational ready and performs mobilisation exercises. As an Ops Spec, one of my tasks is to co-ordinate such mobilisation.

More into my job. I am posted there as an Ops Spec, under S3 branch. Seems that unit likes to use these proper terms. In schools, we hardly use such terms. Anyway, my office resides in the battalion HQ and that is the Ops Room itself. The people there are friendly, or at least they seemed to be. I've learnt not to judge a book by its cover the hard way. I remain pretty neutral and just try to learn as much as I can.

Ops branch itself is not big. It consists of S3, DyS3, Ops Wo, S3OIC, Mobilisation Spec, Ops Spec and Ops Clerk, totalling up to 7 persons. A small group like this can breed politics too, though I have not heard of any. However, my predecessor was not of good repute. He had a breakdown and landed in IMH. What I heard was that he did not perform well nor mixed around well.

GSMB is a classical example of an old camp. The buildings are short and have no lifts. Narrow corridors that are poorly illuminated are prevalent. So are the old toilets that had been used countless times. I wasn't expecting it to be any better than SISPEC. After all, SAFTI MI is a premier institute, BMTC and SISPEC follows a close second and I doubt any unit can be newer or better than BMTC/SISPEC. It like downgrading from a condominium to a semi-detached house and then to a 3-room HDB flat. It was good that I had mentally prepared myself. If not, I would have a big culture shock.

Speaking of culture shock, service and combat differs a great deal. They are not so particular about regimentation and stuff like that. For a combat trained person like me, it feels kind of weird to be suddenly told to relax. It used to be, "Stand properly when you talk to your superiors!", "Who asked you to sit? Did you ask for permission?!", "You think your superiors are your friends ar?? Better pay more respect!!", etc. Now, it's "Hey, c'mon! You don't have to stand at attention when you talk. Don't be so stiff; relax yourself.", "Why are you standing there? Come on, sit! Don't just stand there.", "Look, we're here as a team. So if you have any problems, you can come to us. I mean anything, personal, financial, work-related problems. Or if you think I cannot help, you can go straight to look for someone more senior.", etc. A near-complete reversal. Bizzare but I think I can get used to it.

Just a note self: I must make it a point to make regular posts, rather than go MIA for a couple of days and make a lengthy post. Consistency, my dear.

Some updates for today.

Everyone seemed to know my new posting. All except me. I had many people coming up to me and telling my new posting. I guess they were being helpful/concerned/informative. Ops Spec in GSMB. According to good ol' and know-it-all Nicholas, it stands for General Supplies and Maintenance Base. I felt a little tinge for I had expected to stay on in TDS.

Oh well. I shall take it in my stride. After all, a Chinese saying goes, "If this place doesn't want me, another place would." I'm going to... Never mind. I'll finish my sentence in my next post. Choon Lee appeared to be pretty upset about my posting. I guess he has the right to be. After all, he will be left alone after I'm gone. He will be able to take over with ease, as he already knows the job scope well enough.

*plays with keyboard aimlessly for 15 minutes*

I'm suffering from writer's block now. Will post more stuff tomorrow.

I've been wanting to post this but it kept slipping my mind.

For the first time in 2 decades, I flew a kite. It was last Saturday when we went to Marina South and flew one. The first one was kind of disastrous. The kite went straight for a short tree nearby. I managed to free the string by tugging real hard.

We got a second kite and flew that one. The first couple of tries were not successful, in terms of keeping the kite airborne for more than 10 minutes. Eventually, we succeeded in getting it up and away. It was exhilarating to see it soar in the sky.

For some reasons, my kite flew for distance instead of height. Perhaps it had to do with my controlling. The sky was a tad crowded anyway, so flying for distance was probably a smarter choice. It was a fun experience. It requires a fair amount of concentration, focus and a certain degree of skill. I bet many grown-ups would say it's child's play. My rebuttal would be: try it for yourself and you will find yourself using the muscle groups that you thought never existed. Furthermore, if it's really child's play, it's more ridiculous if an adult can't do it.

My neck and back ached form the prolonged periods of standing and gazing up in the sky. I think that would be something all beginners face. As time passes, I would not need to look at my kite so often. I would use my feeling and experience. Just like typing. How many proficient typists look at the keyboard while typing?

We lost the grip somehow and the kite went loose. I managed to get it back the first time. It was really flying away fast. I could barely catch the string. The second time, after a flashy but failed jumping attempt, I lost it. Man! I should have stuck to the step-it-and-grab-the-string method. The jumping-and-grab-string method works, provided I have excellent eye-hand coordination or uncanny good fortune.

Maybe kites are meant to be flown and let go. The act of getting it up in the air elicits an extraordinary sense of achievement. However, when the moment comes to letting go or reeling back, it puts me in a dilemma. On one hand, I want it to go. Soar and explore the heavens beyond. On the other hand, I want it to stay because I have invested so much effort into raising it up into the sky.

I guess many parents can relate this to their children. There will come a day when children leave their parents. The parents would want to see their offsprings leading productive lives but at the same time, the unwillingness to part is evident too. We all have to accept the inevitable and difficult choices in life.

Let's switch to a lighter note. We had dinner at Makan Parade on Sunday. It was located at the basement level of Parkway Parade. We had steamboat and grass jelly. Both were great and the wonderful taste? They remained virtually unchanged. We had been wanting to eat there and our patience paid off!

The revamped place looks more up-class now. I realised shome shops were no longer around. One Indian sundry shop, one Chinese sundry shop and one selling watches. I felt kind of sad that they are gone. I bet they used to be some sort of landmarks for the old Makan Parade. Imagine the sadness of having to part with the stallholders and shopkeepers who have become your friends through strong relationship bonding. It makes me feel like crying. I suppose they will get on fine. Somehow, the Makan Parade has lost some of its nostalgic touch.