Why? - Chapter 1
My mood has not seen the best of days recently. More specifically, since yesterday.
I was reading up on the Suez Canal on Wikipedia yesterday when my mother walked into my room. She showed a me a letter, stating that she owned the HDB (Housing Development Board) some $50 611. The HDB demanded that she make monthly repayments of $377.00 for a period of 13 years. She didn't quite get the letter and I had to interpret it for her. After my brief and somewhat inaccurate translation, she said she was going to appeal to the MP (Member of Parliament) for help in getting a reduced payment scheme.
Before leaving me alone, she asked when I had to repay my study loan to the bank. I muttered, "As soon as I leave school..." She raised an eyebrow and asked if I was going to work after my studies. I nodded slowly. She then said that as soon as I get a job, I could foot half of the monthly repayment for the housing loan. While this didn't come to me as a surprise, still, I wasn't pleased to hear it.
Debts, debts, debts... Why am I paying for my parents' debts? This is bullshit. I got to finance my study loan in future and telling me that I got to pay for the house is not really heartening. For the first time in 9 years, a thought that has never crossed my mind since I got rid of it 9 years ago, crossed my mind - suicide.
When I was 15, I had the first encounter with the subject that really daunted me - Physics. I had absolutely no idea what was going on and I despaired. I thought of calling it a day and ending things for myself. Then I figured out that that probably isn't the solution. I die, I still sucked at Physics. If I live, I may be able to overcome it and live another day, so to speak. If I tried and still sucked at it, then jumping off the 11th floor of the building still isn't too late; the thing is at least I tried. Quite evidently, I made it.
This time round, things are a little different. If I'm dead, I'm free of all these lousy debts; someone else will bear the burden. Whoever it is, I don't really care. After all, I'm dead, aren't I? Then I realized that I will be just as irresponsible as my father. All he did was fall ill, tax me emotionally and leave me a pile of debts. And I'm not gonna follow in his footsteps. Sure, he did have admirable traits but this is one thing I'm not going to emulate.
More importantly, I need to keep my word. I have made many promises to you-know-who (*wink wink*) and I intend to fulfil all of them, to the best of my abilities. It would be against my principles to intentionally break my promises.
So, don't worry about seeing my obituary in the papers anytime soon. As the character, Juba, in the movie, The Gladiator, said, "Not yet, not yet..."
Thus, once again, the thought is banished from my mind. How long will it take to come back? I hope never.
I was reading up on the Suez Canal on Wikipedia yesterday when my mother walked into my room. She showed a me a letter, stating that she owned the HDB (Housing Development Board) some $50 611. The HDB demanded that she make monthly repayments of $377.00 for a period of 13 years. She didn't quite get the letter and I had to interpret it for her. After my brief and somewhat inaccurate translation, she said she was going to appeal to the MP (Member of Parliament) for help in getting a reduced payment scheme.
Before leaving me alone, she asked when I had to repay my study loan to the bank. I muttered, "As soon as I leave school..." She raised an eyebrow and asked if I was going to work after my studies. I nodded slowly. She then said that as soon as I get a job, I could foot half of the monthly repayment for the housing loan. While this didn't come to me as a surprise, still, I wasn't pleased to hear it.
Debts, debts, debts... Why am I paying for my parents' debts? This is bullshit. I got to finance my study loan in future and telling me that I got to pay for the house is not really heartening. For the first time in 9 years, a thought that has never crossed my mind since I got rid of it 9 years ago, crossed my mind - suicide.
When I was 15, I had the first encounter with the subject that really daunted me - Physics. I had absolutely no idea what was going on and I despaired. I thought of calling it a day and ending things for myself. Then I figured out that that probably isn't the solution. I die, I still sucked at Physics. If I live, I may be able to overcome it and live another day, so to speak. If I tried and still sucked at it, then jumping off the 11th floor of the building still isn't too late; the thing is at least I tried. Quite evidently, I made it.
This time round, things are a little different. If I'm dead, I'm free of all these lousy debts; someone else will bear the burden. Whoever it is, I don't really care. After all, I'm dead, aren't I? Then I realized that I will be just as irresponsible as my father. All he did was fall ill, tax me emotionally and leave me a pile of debts. And I'm not gonna follow in his footsteps. Sure, he did have admirable traits but this is one thing I'm not going to emulate.
More importantly, I need to keep my word. I have made many promises to you-know-who (*wink wink*) and I intend to fulfil all of them, to the best of my abilities. It would be against my principles to intentionally break my promises.
So, don't worry about seeing my obituary in the papers anytime soon. As the character, Juba, in the movie, The Gladiator, said, "Not yet, not yet..."
Thus, once again, the thought is banished from my mind. How long will it take to come back? I hope never.
posted by hg @ 22:15
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