Why don't I have parents like everyone else?
Just came back from work. Feeling tired and just about the same as yesterday. I guess what they say is true - work does make you numb to emotions somehow.
The money issue is still bugging me. It simply sucks to have money issues bugging me. At this point in life, I think my worries should lie in whether I can make it into university, relationship problems, friendship problems and the usual fare. Money should be the last thing I should ever worry about.
The very thought of submitting a half-empty scholarship form makes me cringe. What would they think? "Hey , come over and take a look at this chap. Absolutely no credentials of any sort and he still dares to apply for this prestigious scholarship? Why not this, let's grant him an interview so we can humililate him thoroughly! That should teach him a lesson or two." And then the entire office goes into laughter fits.
Yes, yes, many will say I should try. I just can't bring myself to do so. Perhaps I'm feeling inferior. Perhaps there's no point in trying. Whatever it is, just shut up and me run my show.
Deep down inside, I blame my parents. Have not stopped blaming them since I started. The scar remains. I blame my father for not leaving any inheritance behind, other than his "precious" collection of coins and a huge housing debt for me to finance in future. I blame my mother for being overly reliant on my fatther and thus, leading to her incapability in running the household finances after he is gone. I blame them for not showering me with the love and concern I see other children enjoying when I was young. In fact, other than contributing to my existence and creating another parent-hating child, they have done nothing much. Their failure is just as bad as those who fail to take their children in hand.
I guess my father would have thought his oh-so dear sister and mother would take care of us. Well, dad, YOU'RE FUCKING WRONG! Turn over in your grave, rise as a zombie and haunt them. Perhaps that's the only good reason why burial was better than cremation. Want me to take care of mom, eh? Sure, if I have the means. I'm near broke, you know that?
Would I have such problems if I had better parents? I bet not. Look at my cousins. Their parents are working individuals who can live life comfortably. I'm not saying that they are rich but at least they won't have to think of where to get money in future. I can't even be sure if I can still have electricity to power my computer to enable to blog in future. All lies in my mum. She decides to bicker with all those stupid colleagues of hers, continue to make blunders and gets sacked, there goes everything.
Parents are suppose to take care of and love their children, isn't it? Parents are suppose to ensure that their children have a happy childhood, isn't it? Parents are suppose to make sure that their children gets the best, isn't it? Why aren't mine doing so? Why don't I have parents like everyone else?
The money issue is still bugging me. It simply sucks to have money issues bugging me. At this point in life, I think my worries should lie in whether I can make it into university, relationship problems, friendship problems and the usual fare. Money should be the last thing I should ever worry about.
The very thought of submitting a half-empty scholarship form makes me cringe. What would they think? "Hey , come over and take a look at this chap. Absolutely no credentials of any sort and he still dares to apply for this prestigious scholarship? Why not this, let's grant him an interview so we can humililate him thoroughly! That should teach him a lesson or two." And then the entire office goes into laughter fits.
Yes, yes, many will say I should try. I just can't bring myself to do so. Perhaps I'm feeling inferior. Perhaps there's no point in trying. Whatever it is, just shut up and me run my show.
Deep down inside, I blame my parents. Have not stopped blaming them since I started. The scar remains. I blame my father for not leaving any inheritance behind, other than his "precious" collection of coins and a huge housing debt for me to finance in future. I blame my mother for being overly reliant on my fatther and thus, leading to her incapability in running the household finances after he is gone. I blame them for not showering me with the love and concern I see other children enjoying when I was young. In fact, other than contributing to my existence and creating another parent-hating child, they have done nothing much. Their failure is just as bad as those who fail to take their children in hand.
I guess my father would have thought his oh-so dear sister and mother would take care of us. Well, dad, YOU'RE FUCKING WRONG! Turn over in your grave, rise as a zombie and haunt them. Perhaps that's the only good reason why burial was better than cremation. Want me to take care of mom, eh? Sure, if I have the means. I'm near broke, you know that?
Would I have such problems if I had better parents? I bet not. Look at my cousins. Their parents are working individuals who can live life comfortably. I'm not saying that they are rich but at least they won't have to think of where to get money in future. I can't even be sure if I can still have electricity to power my computer to enable to blog in future. All lies in my mum. She decides to bicker with all those stupid colleagues of hers, continue to make blunders and gets sacked, there goes everything.
Parents are suppose to take care of and love their children, isn't it? Parents are suppose to ensure that their children have a happy childhood, isn't it? Parents are suppose to make sure that their children gets the best, isn't it? Why aren't mine doing so? Why don't I have parents like everyone else?
posted by hg @ 18:48
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