"I'm back to where I started - all alone. Qing Qing walked out on me for the first time. I don't blame her. I did so to her beforeand she must be dying to have a go and 'let me feel how it feels'. No argues - I lost.
The past couple of days were very draggy. I have a lot to tell her but there just weren't any chance. Now that, I can't call her during office hours, made things more difficult.
As of right now, I'm feeling depressed and lonely. She has ran out of patience and ignored me. No one cares. No one to turn to. No one to listen to me... All alone.
Every now and then, when I hear the sound of slippers being dragged along the ground, I would turn back and looked. I wished I could see her walking towards me. But I guess that won't come true; just like how I expect to see my father when I hear the sound of slippers being dragged outside my window.
The tears which has been welling up has finally broke through my conscious dam and gushed out freely.
I have so much to tell her but she doesn't seem the least interested. She tells me not to bottle things up but without someone to listen to me, how can I tell?
I made extra effort to turn up early for the movies but she arrived just about on time. I didn't want to disappoint her so I didn't mind the effort. But she doesn't see it and assumes my efforts are non-existent.
The same goes for her birthday party. She accuses me of ignoring it and I took a whole lot of flak. I didn't really mind. Nevertheless, I was hurt. It's ok if my efforts go unnoticed but being accused wrongly? She sees things too superficially. I could have made a big hoo-ha and 'showed' how helpful I was but that wouldn't be me. That isn't how I work.
Above is an excerpt from my notebook. I wrote this while sitting alone at Cavenagh Bridge, some where at Singapore River and near The Fullerton Hotel. If not for my writing materials, I'd have gone crazy from all that bottling up. It was a summary of what was going through my head at that time.
A lot has happened over the past few days. Wanna tell Qing Qing but no chance. Either she sound too uninterested or I'm tired. I remembered I once told her, "What I don't say, I'll write." I shall refine that a little - "What I don't or can't express in verbal laguage, I will do so in written form."
The past couple of days were very draggy. I have a lot to tell her but there just weren't any chance. Now that, I can't call her during office hours, made things more difficult.
As of right now, I'm feeling depressed and lonely. She has ran out of patience and ignored me. No one cares. No one to turn to. No one to listen to me... All alone.
Every now and then, when I hear the sound of slippers being dragged along the ground, I would turn back and looked. I wished I could see her walking towards me. But I guess that won't come true; just like how I expect to see my father when I hear the sound of slippers being dragged outside my window.
The tears which has been welling up has finally broke through my conscious dam and gushed out freely.
I have so much to tell her but she doesn't seem the least interested. She tells me not to bottle things up but without someone to listen to me, how can I tell?
I made extra effort to turn up early for the movies but she arrived just about on time. I didn't want to disappoint her so I didn't mind the effort. But she doesn't see it and assumes my efforts are non-existent.
The same goes for her birthday party. She accuses me of ignoring it and I took a whole lot of flak. I didn't really mind. Nevertheless, I was hurt. It's ok if my efforts go unnoticed but being accused wrongly? She sees things too superficially. I could have made a big hoo-ha and 'showed' how helpful I was but that wouldn't be me. That isn't how I work.
Above is an excerpt from my notebook. I wrote this while sitting alone at Cavenagh Bridge, some where at Singapore River and near The Fullerton Hotel. If not for my writing materials, I'd have gone crazy from all that bottling up. It was a summary of what was going through my head at that time.
A lot has happened over the past few days. Wanna tell Qing Qing but no chance. Either she sound too uninterested or I'm tired. I remembered I once told her, "What I don't say, I'll write." I shall refine that a little - "What I don't or can't express in verbal laguage, I will do so in written form."
posted by hg @ 22:44
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